A heartbreaking work about a quest to heal a fractured memory.
Merrill offers an experimental and dreamlike memoir of childhood abuse. As the book begins, the author is an adult in Taos, New Mexico, for a writing retreat, where she’s forced to confront her fragmented, dissociative recollections. Her memory, which she calls Red Girl, acts as a narrator, and the author’s life from childhood to middle age is chronicled via Red Girl and other shards of memory, called Little One, Wisp, and Lola. Red Girl’s mission is to protect the author from painful recollections of her father’s sexual abuse, but after sending her into a mental breakdown in her late 30s, Red Girl attempts to commune with the author to regain her love. The author must face her buried trauma with the help of the inhabitants of her “dungeon mind,” including antihero Laughing Corpse, who threatens to silence the truth of her past. Merrill’s memoir is most compelling in its offbeat use of form and diction, reflecting the maturity of each of the narrators as they remember the author’s past. For example, a book-report motif recurs when Red Girl needs to process a particularly significant memory, with various elements categorized as “Title of Book,” “Author,” “Story,” “Favorite Part,” “Least Favorite Part,” and so on. Invented words such as un-forgot and un-fear appear throughout, strengthening a sense of detachment and innocence. When younger versions of the author’s memory narrate events, the syntax effectively matches their respective ages. Little One, recounting her father’s abuse, frames the trauma with magic: “Magic makes a round bed. Magic makes a man come in.” Lola uses distinctive word choices: “Dad wants to go too. I have no say at all in this as I’m never a goddamn verb.” Although the memoir has a satisfying resolution, readers will find that some events have fewer stakes than expected, especially when compared to a final act involving the Laughing Corpse, who represents the author’s father. A heartbreaking work about a quest to heal a fractured memory.